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how not to start a relationship
Sep. 17th, 2009 06:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rdBecause I ran across this story on a blog I don't like to admit that I read (mostly because it makes me want to scream, "What is the MATTER with you people?!" but that's a personal belief issue and not a matter for this community), I have to preface this entry with the following statement: I am not blaming the victim.
So here's the story. A man pursued a woman for about a year an a half, and when she persisted in not wanting an intimate relationship with him, he tried to hire his roommate to kidnap and assault the woman and torch her car so "he could 'be there for her,' helping his disfigured angel recover from her wounds by giving her tender care and a brand new car." Luckily for her, the roommate went to the police and the man was arrested for "conspiracy to commit mayhem, kidnapping and arson."
Obviously this guy is both pathetic and mentally unstable. No woman ever deserves to be the subject of violence, and I would never ever suggest that her actions caused him to hatch this plot or that what he planned was in any way mitigated or justified by her behavior. I want to get that straight right off the bat.
That said, this woman is an idiot.
The two met by chance, the story says, and 33-year-old Jimmy Santiago Dominguez tried to woo 21-year-old Elissa Rodriguez from the beginning. They went to the mall together, and though she says she told him not to, Dominguez used to go into the shops after she'd left and buy everything she'd wanted to get. This could be a clumsy but charming gesture to show that he can take care of her and wants to shower her with gifts. She decided that she didn't want to date him, but they kept in touch.
A few months later, Rodriguez told Dominguez that she was having money problems, despite working two jobs. He "insisted" on sending her some money to help pay the bills. She refused at first, "But, of course, if somebody is going to keep throwing you the money..."
And now for the very best part of this news story - emphasis mine.
Based on what the pair later told police, Dominguez sent Rodriguez $6,000 to $10,000 each month - potentially a total of more than $100,000 over the past year and a half.
It was enough for Rodriguez to quit her jobs - especially after she and her mother moved into an Aurora home that Dominguez rented and apparently intended to live in one day.
The home came with a bed, some furniture, and a washer and dryer. Still wiring cash regularly, Dominguez also paid the rent and utilities. And if Rodriguez was short of cash, she'd ask and he'd wire more.
All the while, the two told police, no intimate relationship developed.
So did you really think it was okay to take a man's money knowing that he hoped you'd fall in love with him but having no feelings for him yourself? While there was no reason to suspect that he would be violent, did you never realize that this relationship was wildly imbalanced and just plain wrong? It's one thing to be a kept woman, and if that's your choice, you need to own it. But taking his money and living in his house - to the point where you were no longer even pretending to try and support yourself - can only end in emotional and mental distress. There is no such thing as a free ride. ELISSA RODRIGUEZ, USE YOUR BRAIN.
So here's the story. A man pursued a woman for about a year an a half, and when she persisted in not wanting an intimate relationship with him, he tried to hire his roommate to kidnap and assault the woman and torch her car so "he could 'be there for her,' helping his disfigured angel recover from her wounds by giving her tender care and a brand new car." Luckily for her, the roommate went to the police and the man was arrested for "conspiracy to commit mayhem, kidnapping and arson."
Obviously this guy is both pathetic and mentally unstable. No woman ever deserves to be the subject of violence, and I would never ever suggest that her actions caused him to hatch this plot or that what he planned was in any way mitigated or justified by her behavior. I want to get that straight right off the bat.
That said, this woman is an idiot.
The two met by chance, the story says, and 33-year-old Jimmy Santiago Dominguez tried to woo 21-year-old Elissa Rodriguez from the beginning. They went to the mall together, and though she says she told him not to, Dominguez used to go into the shops after she'd left and buy everything she'd wanted to get. This could be a clumsy but charming gesture to show that he can take care of her and wants to shower her with gifts. She decided that she didn't want to date him, but they kept in touch.
A few months later, Rodriguez told Dominguez that she was having money problems, despite working two jobs. He "insisted" on sending her some money to help pay the bills. She refused at first, "But, of course, if somebody is going to keep throwing you the money..."
And now for the very best part of this news story - emphasis mine.
Based on what the pair later told police, Dominguez sent Rodriguez $6,000 to $10,000 each month - potentially a total of more than $100,000 over the past year and a half.
It was enough for Rodriguez to quit her jobs - especially after she and her mother moved into an Aurora home that Dominguez rented and apparently intended to live in one day.
The home came with a bed, some furniture, and a washer and dryer. Still wiring cash regularly, Dominguez also paid the rent and utilities. And if Rodriguez was short of cash, she'd ask and he'd wire more.
All the while, the two told police, no intimate relationship developed.
So did you really think it was okay to take a man's money knowing that he hoped you'd fall in love with him but having no feelings for him yourself? While there was no reason to suspect that he would be violent, did you never realize that this relationship was wildly imbalanced and just plain wrong? It's one thing to be a kept woman, and if that's your choice, you need to own it. But taking his money and living in his house - to the point where you were no longer even pretending to try and support yourself - can only end in emotional and mental distress. There is no such thing as a free ride. ELISSA RODRIGUEZ, USE YOUR BRAIN.